Category Archives: rants

I’m against Amendment One…

Exactly one week from today, registered voters in my fair state of North Carolina will have the opportunity to vote on Amendment One, an amendment to the state constitution that would define marriage as strictly being between a man and a woman. Of course the bill is being supported, blindly, by the GOP and conservative Christians. I say blindly because the bill’s supporters could not have possibly read up on it because if they had, they would have run across the gaping loop holes that have the potential to endanger the lives of North Carolina’s women and children.

While most folks will harp on the fact that they don’t want homosexual people too marry, most of these people have not full investigated the possible repercussions of amending North Carolina’s constitution. Defining marriage the way it is written in that amendment will harm ALL unmarried couples. There are a lot of couples, gay and straight, who have opted to forgo marriage altogether and just cohabit. Some people just don’t want to get married. The way some employers set up benefits, it allows individuals to insure their partners and the children the couple is raising. Defining marriage in this way will strip those benefits.

If stripping away the benefits of children were not enough, this law could nullify some family protection orders that women have filed against abusive men. Those protection could be seen as unconstitutional because only those couples who are legally married are considered family. It is quite possible that it could happen, it already did in Ohio. Twenty-seven cases against attackers were thrown out because the state only recognized married relationships as having protected status.

In the South, hell, everywhere, same-sex marriage has always been a hot button issue. The GOP and religious conservatives have long been working to legally define marriage because one man and one woman is the way God intended. Under normal circumstances, I’d have no problem with that if this were a church. A church has every right to govern by its respective holy book as it sees fit. When it comes to government, American government, my God, yours or anyone else’s has any place there.

This country was founded on religious freedom. The first amendment of the United States constitution specifically states that Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof. Using religion to justify this amendment or to uphold the law against same-sex marriage that is already on the books means Congress has made a law respecting the Christian establishment of religion. Congress is supposed to make laws that serve the best interest of its respective constituents. Congress is NOT supposed to be embracing the Bible as law.

The actual marriage between two people is a legal contract. There is actual paper work on file in the office of the register of deeds in respective municipalities. A legal marriage enables two people to reap benefits such as health insurance, life insurance and something as simple as seeing their spouse in the hospital. They can adopt children, purchase property together and so on. All of these things are legally binding documents.

The marriage ceremony is usually a religious practice. Traditions vary across cultures and religions but there is more often than not a clergy member involved to administer the vows and promises the couple makes to each other. Traditionally, these ceremonies have been held in churches or holy places.

The differences there are the first gives you legal benefit that, by law, should not be denied to anyone whereas the latter can be afforded or denied to anyone the church sees fit. Amending the state’s constitution to deny a group of people the aforementioned rights is not only deplorable, it should be illegal. Hell, it is illegal. If two people are in a romantic relationship and they want to make their union legal, it is only the business of those two people and the people filing their paperwork. Allowing two people to reap the legal benefits of marriage in no way negates those marriages that already exist.

Folks need to get over themselves. Wanda Sykes said it best, “If you’re against gay marriage, don’t marry a gay person.” As far as I’m concerned, they have just as much right to marriage as anyone else. Who someone else marries is NOT my business. I will be voting AGAINST Amendment One. If you live in North Carolina, I hope you will, too.

Motivational Mondays

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying.
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.
(c) Nat King Cole

One of my favorite movie lines of all time comes from Dolly Parton’s character Truvy in “Steel Magnolias.” She said, “Smile, Honey, it increases your face value!” It is just as country as the day is long but it makes perfect sense. Life might be throwing you lemons, you could have a Charlie Brown rain cloud over your life and the world could be crumbling around you – there is no reason to look like it.

As long as you live, there is something in life that will not be right. Something will not go according to plan. Somebody will piss you off. It’s not all roses and there is nothing that can change that. There is no salve, no therapy, you just have to go through it. Since you have to do it anyway, why not do it with a smile?

Smiles are usually associated with pleasing or pleasurable moments or amusement while frowns and scowls are usually indicative of discomfort and anger. I kind of believe smiles and frowns will tell all your business about how you feel about life. A lot of people who are unhappy and displeased about their lives tend to have a permanent scowl while those folks in a state of joy are the opposite. Those who are joyous find a way to smile through life’s victories and defeats. It’s their way of saying, “Yea, this sucks, but, life is still good.”

In a guest post on Rene Syler’s site, Good Enough Mother, I was asked whether or not I am happier now than before. My answer was and is that joy is our natural state and yes, I am happier but I am going natural. I want you guys to go natural, too. The first step, tho, is genuinely simply turning those corners of your mouth upward and actually smiling. While you may not see where you have things to smile about in your life, I challenge you to switch your focus. Start thinking about the things that you have to smile about rather than those things that have stolen your smile.

The fact that you woke up, that you’re breathing on your own, that you can read this very post – these are all reasons to smile. Everyone can’t say that. Once you stop taking everything for granted and remembering all the little things that could go the other way, you will find your smile. A big ol’ toothy, nose to ear smile that would melt the hearts of Cruella De Vil from “101 Dalmatians,” Scar from “The Lion King” and the Shadow Man from “The Princess and the Frog.”

Smiles are usually contagious. Hell, if you see somebody who needs one, give ‘em one of yours. A well placed smile is like an aspirin for the heart. It won’t take care of the actual problem but it will dull the pain for a bit. I hope you can find your own smile. If not, I’ll share! Happy New Week!

I am Trayvon Martin …

In all I have 10 nieces and nephews, four god kids and a bunch of kids who call me Aunt Tiff. It’s a job I take very seriously. They all range in age from 19-8 months so you can imagine how saddened I am at the murder of Trayvon Martin. Yes, I did say murder and I know that must confuse some of you. I am, after all, a proponent of letting the justice system work. I am also in possession of common sense and I heard the 911 calls.

I heard about Trayvon’s shooting early on and I refused to read up on it. When I heard about a 17-year-old boy being shot, like a lot of others, I assumed it was some senseless act of violence on a teenager that was performed by another that would soon be swept under the rug. Man was I ever wrong. As time moved on and more information started to come out about Trayvon’s shooting, I learned that a neighbor shot and killed this young man for “looking suspicious” the more pissed off I got.

I have a 17-year-old nephew. He’s tall, he wears hooded sweatshirts and would probably walk to the store at night alone to get some candy for his baby sister. He is also a good kid, has played team sports and odds are he’s probably already been seen as threatening. That baffles me. My nephew, like Trayvon, is a kid in a man’s body. He’s not a threat to anything, except maybe leftovers. They are perceived as threats because they are black. No other reason.

I refuse to do the whole, “If he was a white boy thing…” because it’s not at all helpful. What is helpful, tho, is to let you guys know that not all young black men are scary. They’re not all suspicious. And they shouldn’t be hunted like prey. George Zimmerman went out, against the advice of the dispatcher and against the statutes of the Neighborhood Watch and he hunted and shot down Trayvon like an animal.

It is my understanding that Zimmerman called the police 46 times last year and is the self-appointed block captain. He has harassed people in their own home and has been arrested for assault. He was licensed to carry a concealed weapon but he was not in any way licensed to pursue anyone. From the sound of things (his 911 call), Zimmerman was tapping into his inner cowboy. Instead of observing and reporting, like he was supposed to, Zimmerman took it upon himself to follow, then shoot Trayvon. Why Zimmerman is still free I’m not sure.

My hope is that the authorities down in Florida realize that the country is watching and will send a message one way or the other. Will they send the message that violence against people based on how they look will not be tolerated? Or will they send the message that you can pursue AND kill people who look suspicious to you?

Frankly, I am disgusted at all of it. I’m disgusted at Zimmerman’s desperado act. I’m disgusted that he feels like he can make that snap judgement. I’m disgusted at people defending him saying that he’s defending his neighborhood. Most of all, I’m disgusted at the people who believe he was justified. This is in no way shape or form justifiable. Trayvon was shot and killed for being the wrong color in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sadly, this could have been any of us at 17. Hell, it is all of us now. These are our kids and they are a part of all of us so I am and you are Trayvon Martin.

Motivational Mondays

Hi guys! It’s been a while since the last time I posted and I have got to say, I have missed it. I have to at least offer you guys an explanation. As you guys may remember, if you care to, I started a new job last month and it has kept me hopping like the Easter bunny. At any rate, I know some of you need that extra push on Monday mornings. So let’s get cracking!

Courage doesn’t always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
“I will try again tomorrow.”
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life is hard. It always has been and it probably always will be. The one thing we have to do to get through it though is keep moving. The problem with that is sometimes life can (and will) seemingly drain you of your will to keep moving or of your ability to get up after a setback. We’ve always known that life will knock you down, what we didn’t know is that it takes a lot of courage to get back up and fight on.

Mondays have a way of taking it all out of you. If it does, so what? Put it back on Tuesday. You get out of life what you put into it and if you’re not putting in any courage, you won’t get any back. Muster up all the courage you can find and try it again tomorrow. So instead of complaining about how bad today is and what you didn’t get out of it, exercise some of that quiet courage, shut up and just do it.

Father your children…

For the past couple of days the interwebs have been all abuzz with foolishness about Chris Brown’s fans and Too Short’s “fatherly advice” to young boys. Clearly, I missed something.

Millions of these children Tweeted about how they’d “let Chris Brown beat” them. They were of course referencing the incident of domestic violence between him and his then girlfriend, Rhianna. I know it was a while ago but we can never forget. I, of course, can’t blame Chris Brown for the foolishness that happened during his performance at the Grammys. I can, however, blame these lil’ girls, lil’ gays and their parents. While there are those of us who can not let it go, there is no way these girls, and gays, should be joking about letting him beat them.

As was stated here before, I have zero tolerance for domestic violence. While Brown has paid his debt to society by doing as mandated by the court, there are some folks who just won’t ever forgive his actions. I get that. I also get that to some of his fans, he can do no wrong and they still lust after him.

Kids will be kids but parents have to be parents. I’m sure some of these parents could not possibly have known what their daughters were saying. I insist that they need to find out, particularly fathers. I’ve discussed that fathers have a responsibility to their daughters, and yes, their gay sons, too, to show them how they should be treated while dating. They need to actually sit down and discuss with them what is and isn’t acceptable. The fact that these children even Tweeted the words, “Chris Brown can beat me up…” is both frightening and sickening.

As a father, you need to explain that it’s never OK to even joke about domestic violence. There are too many folks who have lost their lives for it. You need to explain no matter how fine he is or how well he sings or dances that it is NEVER OK for a boy, a guy, a man to put his hands on you in a violent manner. Ever. Grab your daughters and your gay sons, hug them and show them how a man is supposed to treat them.

If that’s not enough motivation to parent your own damn kids, Too Short has taken to offering up fatherly advice to young men about “how to turn young girls out.” O_o Yea, that Too Short.

Why is his old ass still relevant enough to grace the web pages of XXL in anything but a historical retrospect of Bay Area rappers? The last time Too Short was relevant was whenever “Shake Dat Monkey” came out and it had ratchet chicks from near and far shaking it up in the club.

Apparently in a video posted on XXL’s site, Too Short told young boys transitioning from middle to high school, in graphic detail, how to sexually stimulate their female counterparts – forcefully. Far be it from me to bait anyone on any issue but from what I read and heard about the video because I didn’t see it, it is akin to assault. The Grio quoted Too Short saying in the video, “You push her up against the wall, you take your finger and put a little spit on it and you stick your finger in her underwear and you rub it on there and watch what happens.”

First of all, any father of a daughter should be outraged and ready to string Too Short up and flog his ass for suggesting any boy do that to a girl. That statement suggests that he is an advocate of sexual aggression and that attention uninvited is in fact rape. How dare he suggest and describe that for young boys? His suggestion to the boys gives the impression that girls don’t deserve to decide whether or not they want this attention. It suggests that these boys seize their opportunity whenever they feel like it. I can’t, no, I won’t sit, stand or walk for this kind of bullshit.

This is why you monitor what your kids are watching online. Nothing good can come of minors watching anything Too Short-related. The man raps about hard life and pimping in Oakland. He has never discussed a single thing in his music that would imply that he respects any woman. I will say that he issued an apology via video on the XXL site. He covered himself by saying he was in “Too Short” mode and that these young boys should just be themselves and not get caught up in “hip hop personas.” O_o

Fathers, when it comes to your sons, it is your job to do exactly the opposite of that bullshit Too Short spewed in that video and in his music. It is up to you to explain to your sons that no is always no. Explain that women are to be respected and treated like human beings and not property there for their lustful fantasies. Tell them that rappers like Too Short are all persona and that the life they rap about and perpetuate is but a caricature. In other words, father them. Father all your children.

As a father, as a man, you are charged with being the leader of your family. You are the one who shows your family the way. If you are not cutting the path and leading the way, they will latch on to someone who will. The problem with that is they could latch on to someone who doesn’t know where the hell they’re going. Your family is your responsibility. When you fail to parent your children, you have failed them and us, too. Step up and do your job.