Category Archives: Random

Father your children…

For the past couple of days the interwebs have been all abuzz with foolishness about Chris Brown’s fans and Too Short’s “fatherly advice” to young boys. Clearly, I missed something.

Millions of these children Tweeted about how they’d “let Chris Brown beat” them. They were of course referencing the incident of domestic violence between him and his then girlfriend, Rhianna. I know it was a while ago but we can never forget. I, of course, can’t blame Chris Brown for the foolishness that happened during his performance at the Grammys. I can, however, blame these lil’ girls, lil’ gays and their parents. While there are those of us who can not let it go, there is no way these girls, and gays, should be joking about letting him beat them.

As was stated here before, I have zero tolerance for domestic violence. While Brown has paid his debt to society by doing as mandated by the court, there are some folks who just won’t ever forgive his actions. I get that. I also get that to some of his fans, he can do no wrong and they still lust after him.

Kids will be kids but parents have to be parents. I’m sure some of these parents could not possibly have known what their daughters were saying. I insist that they need to find out, particularly fathers. I’ve discussed that fathers have a responsibility to their daughters, and yes, their gay sons, too, to show them how they should be treated while dating. They need to actually sit down and discuss with them what is and isn’t acceptable. The fact that these children even Tweeted the words, “Chris Brown can beat me up…” is both frightening and sickening.

As a father, you need to explain that it’s never OK to even joke about domestic violence. There are too many folks who have lost their lives for it. You need to explain no matter how fine he is or how well he sings or dances that it is NEVER OK for a boy, a guy, a man to put his hands on you in a violent manner. Ever. Grab your daughters and your gay sons, hug them and show them how a man is supposed to treat them.

If that’s not enough motivation to parent your own damn kids, Too Short has taken to offering up fatherly advice to young men about “how to turn young girls out.” O_o Yea, that Too Short.

Why is his old ass still relevant enough to grace the web pages of XXL in anything but a historical retrospect of Bay Area rappers? The last time Too Short was relevant was whenever “Shake Dat Monkey” came out and it had ratchet chicks from near and far shaking it up in the club.

Apparently in a video posted on XXL’s site, Too Short told young boys transitioning from middle to high school, in graphic detail, how to sexually stimulate their female counterparts – forcefully. Far be it from me to bait anyone on any issue but from what I read and heard about the video because I didn’t see it, it is akin to assault. The Grio quoted Too Short saying in the video, “You push her up against the wall, you take your finger and put a little spit on it and you stick your finger in her underwear and you rub it on there and watch what happens.”

First of all, any father of a daughter should be outraged and ready to string Too Short up and flog his ass for suggesting any boy do that to a girl. That statement suggests that he is an advocate of sexual aggression and that attention uninvited is in fact rape. How dare he suggest and describe that for young boys? His suggestion to the boys gives the impression that girls don’t deserve to decide whether or not they want this attention. It suggests that these boys seize their opportunity whenever they feel like it. I can’t, no, I won’t sit, stand or walk for this kind of bullshit.

This is why you monitor what your kids are watching online. Nothing good can come of minors watching anything Too Short-related. The man raps about hard life and pimping in Oakland. He has never discussed a single thing in his music that would imply that he respects any woman. I will say that he issued an apology via video on the XXL site. He covered himself by saying he was in “Too Short” mode and that these young boys should just be themselves and not get caught up in “hip hop personas.” O_o

Fathers, when it comes to your sons, it is your job to do exactly the opposite of that bullshit Too Short spewed in that video and in his music. It is up to you to explain to your sons that no is always no. Explain that women are to be respected and treated like human beings and not property there for their lustful fantasies. Tell them that rappers like Too Short are all persona and that the life they rap about and perpetuate is but a caricature. In other words, father them. Father all your children.

As a father, as a man, you are charged with being the leader of your family. You are the one who shows your family the way. If you are not cutting the path and leading the way, they will latch on to someone who will. The problem with that is they could latch on to someone who doesn’t know where the hell they’re going. Your family is your responsibility. When you fail to parent your children, you have failed them and us, too. Step up and do your job.

Know when to shut up …

Sir, there's a seat over there. You can have it.

Anybody got a fancy umbrella they can loan Roland S. Martin until this shit storm blows over? After pressure from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, CNN has suspended Martin indefinitely over a pair of Tweets on Super Bowl Sunday.

Like thousands of others, I follow Martin on Twitter and I saw the aforementioned Tweets when they went out. When I saw them, I said aloud, “This is gonna be a shit storm.” I’m sad to say that I was right. Immediately after the last Tweet was sent, Martin started engaging in a back and forth with people insisting that the message was poking fun at soccer and not gay men. He also argued that the urgency of violence was simply taken out of context and that it was all in jest. That this sort of thing happens during sporting events.

To some, Martin’s Tweets were seen as homophobic and advocating gay bashing. Instead of immediately recognizing how those Tweets can be misconstrued and apologizing, Martin got defensive. I would love to say I’m surprised, but, I’m not. I’ve followed Martin for quite a while. I’ve seen him “talk junk” to people during sporting events and pontificate on various subjects. I’ve also seen him mouth off and offend people in an effort to make his point. He did that in a comment on this very blog just last year. The difference between the exchange he and I had here and on Twitter and the exchange he had with GLAAD is, I don’t take him seriously.

While I’m sure Martin did not intend for anyone to read his Tweets and take offense to them and he does not advocate gay bashing, one’s perception is one’s reality. If I took Martin seriously, I’m sure that I, too, would have been offended. This is America and yes the first amendment does guarantee us all freedom of speech, I contend that this does not apply to Martin and I’ll tell you why.

One of the first things you learn in your first journalism class is that you forfeit your right to an opinion on hot button issues such as politics, religion and polarizing social issues in public settings. If you are a working journalist, part of your job is to appear neutral in all things so that there is no appearance of a bias or slant. Martin falls into a unique category of being a commentator who is hired and expected to give an opinion. He is also a trained journalist and self-identifies as such. That being said, he should know when to shut up.

Monday night, Martin posted an apology on his blog. He has since been invited to have a sit down with GLAAD brass and his bosses at CNN to find some resolution. Since the announcement of his suspension, people have taken to social networks to announce their outrage over his suspension saying it was uncalled for and he was just exercising his freedom of speech. I get that. What I don’t get is black folks playing the race card like it’s the Big Joker in a spades game saying this would not have happened to a white guy. I disagree and I think most journalists will.

I took an unofficial poll of my journalist friends and most of them agree that this is a case of him being careless. If there were any injustice at all, the National Association of Black Journalists would have been all over this thing. Instead, president Greg Lee released a statement calling this a teachable moment. I wholeheartedly agree.

With social media now a part of our daily lives and one of the most useful tools in a journalists arsenal, it is imperative that we use it in a professional manner. In my local chapter of NABJ chapter, my fellow journalists and I make it a point to remind student journalists to be mindful of how they conduct themselves on social media. Employers check you out on those things and if you are in front of the camera, like Martin, whatever you post or Tweet is indirectly associated with your specific organization. Use all the disclaimers you like, but Martin is “the loud, husky, black guy on CNN.” As long as he’s affiliated with CNN, that’s who he’ll be.

I hope that we can all look at this as a learning opportunity and embrace that just because we can say whatever we want doesn’t mean we should. Though being born American gives us the right to free speech, we have a responsibility to exercise it wisely. Free speech should be used to uplift people and liberate the oppressed. It should not, however, be used to degrade and hurt others. To whom much is given, much is required. It’s high time we all learn some restraint or learn to be accountable for what comes out of our mouths.

Acting #Drakeish …

"Hellooooooooo, nurse!"

Every year, scores of people tune in to the big game not to see the league’s best teams fight it out but to see how creative brand advertisers have been in coming up with new commercials. It seems the best commercials always come up during the Super Bowl. This year’s ads, tho, came up a little short. There were only a couple that I would say were great. For example, the M&Ms commercial with the brown M&M was hilarious to me. A couple of others were funny but two commercials in particular caused quite the stir in my Twitter timeline.

The folks over at H&M and Dannon finally realized that women are also watching the Super Bowl and we can definitely appreciate some sweet looking eye candy. Dannon decided to bless us with America’s gorgeous Grecian uncle, John Stamos, getting sonned by his lady of his inability to share his yogurt. I mean, when the commercial first came on, I was slightly turned and then I laughed out loud. All in all, a solid commercial. The hotness, tho, was the near-nekkid David Beckham.

Lord, Posh Spice, I apologize for lusting after your husband but that man is fine as frog’s hairs. *smh* *bows head* I’m sorry, I just had to thank the Lord for a nearly perfect creation there. Anyway, a lot of the men in my timeline felt some type of way about the ladies pointing out the gorgeousness of these men. One of my followers actually Tweeted, “Enough women don’t watch the Super Bowl for that fuck ass Beckham commercial, though.” *snicker* Another wanted to know how (black women) would feel if (black men) were to sing the praises of white women. *guffaw* One more sent a gif that I can’t find of a *face palm* to convey his feelings. To all of that I say, y’all are a mess.”

Last year, black folks were offended by a Pepsi Max commercial. This year, black men seem to be offended by us damn near drooling over Becks. What I want to know is how this is different from all other commercials starring damn near nekkid women that are geared toward men. I mean, how else can you explain those Go Daddy commercials with Danica Patrick in a bikini or this year’s of some random chick being drawn on with body paint? What about the Fiat commercial where the dude is all but drooling over the woman?

I’m confused here, are the fellas jealous over the fact that we’re so vocal about our attraction to an assless white guy? Are they upset at the fact that advertisers are recognizing there is a growing number of female viewers? Do they think Becks’ commercial will usher in tampon commercials or something? I mean, really. Some of the fellas are acting real Drakeish** about this. What’s the issue? They can’t possibly be upset that they are made to look at a half-nekkid man when we are inundated with images of half-nekkid women on a daily basis. They can’t be offended after they Tweet and RT and Re-RT nekkid images of women into our timelines a go-zillion times an hour.

I mean, if any of this is the case, I will have to take a page from Patti LaHelle’s book and offer them a mattress to lay their burdens down. That or I’ll give y’all a lift to Home Depot to buy you some lumber and materials to build a bridge and get over it. Women the biggest consumers and these companies are finally catching on. Sorry fellas, the days of commercials starring talking animals and nekkid girls with beer are on their way out. My condolences.

**Drakeish: sensitive; in your feelings; emotional; tender

Motivational Mondays

“You may live in a big city
Or driving down a country lane,
Working two jobs to make a living,
And all you do is complain.
Well, you should be thankful of what you’ve got…”
(c) Natalie Cole, “Be Thankful”

If I were to take an unofficial poll on these Interwebs, I’m almost certain Monday would be the most hated day of the week. You’re coming off a weekend full of alcohol, junk food and friends to work a job you hate or work with people you can’t stand. Hey, I’ve been there before. I know how it feels. Some times, you just hate to see Monday coming. You start dreading it around 5 p.m. Sunday. You start to think about that task or that person that you just don’t want to deal with and you’ve pissed on the rest of your weekend worrying about what’s coming in the morning. I want to encourage you to look past all of that and be thankful for all of that and everything else in your life.

In the day-to-day struggle of life, we rarely take time to stop and take in life and really be thankful for where we are at that particular moment. If you have a job that allows you to make your ends meet, feed your family and the like, instead of rolling your eyes when your not-so-favorite co-workers stops at your station or cubicle in the middle of the day, be thankful. Somebody somewhere wants a job. Of any kind. With co-workers they love or hate. Hell, they’ll take your job if given the opportunity. While you’re dreading talking to this idiot of a person, somebody somewhere is craving that human interaction that you hate to have.

For those of you with children being pulled in several directions or they are getting on your last good nerve, stop and take a breath then smile at your child. Delight in their accomplishments AND their foolishness. Somewhere, somebody wants kids and can’t have them. Somewhere, somebody has lost a child and won’t ever be able to experience that job or aggravation. Be thankful for your kids and their follies for they will produce a lifetime of memories.

I’m not trying to make anyone feel guilty, I just want you all to feel thankful. It’s time we start thanking the Most High, the universe or whomever or whatever it is you do or don’t pray to for all these wonderful things that make up your life. You might hate Mondays but you bet not miss one! It’s high time we get an attitude of gratitude and be grateful for Mondays. Let’s get out there and go be grateful!

Check on your old people…

Rest, Mr. Cornelius

People 65 and older make up a little more than 12 percent of the U.S. population. That same age group makes up about 16 percent of all suicides. Yesterday, not many people cared about those stats but today, a lot of folks woke up to the news that Soul Train creator Don Cornelius was found dead in his Sherman Oaks, California home. Reports say he died of a gunshot wound to the head that appears to be self-inflicted. He was 75. My heart goes out to his family.

It may appear that you rarely hear about older people committing suicide and that is true. The majority of news outlets don’t report suicides. For every news outlet I have ever worked for it has been policy that you just report that a person has died, you never say suicide. I’ve always been told it’s easier on the family to not have to see it in print and to have to constantly explain it to people over and over. This story is being reported because, well, it’s Don Cornelius and for years, black folks have thought that we’re immune to suicide.

I will not speculate about Mr. Cornelius or what could have possibly been going on with him. I will say, tho, that the National Institute of Mental Health says that untreated depression is the main cause of elderly suicide. A lot of older folks experience depression just like a lot of people period, it’s when it comes debilitating that it’s dangerous.

I am waiting for the insensitive to start talking about how cowardly and selfish suicide. I’m waiting for them to bring up how Mr. Cornelius appeared to be drunk at several of his last appearances. I’m waiting for someone to bring up his age. To those folks, I encourage them to first, grow up, then to speak to someone who has lost a family member to suicide. Depression doesn’t discriminate nor do suicidal thoughts. I’m sad he had the courage to go through it.

Moving forward, y’all please remember to look in on your old folks. Stop in for a chat, a hug – anything. Sometimes just seeing your face can brighten their day. Sleep well, Mr. Cornelius. Rest in love, peace and souuuuuuuuuuuuul!