Category Archives: celebrity foolishness

I have a confession…

Sometimes, I listen to music I should be advocating against. Sometimes, I’m ashamed. Other times, I’m not.

As of late, all the world has been abuzz about the questionable lyrics of Robin Thicke’s No. 1 single, “Blurred Lines.” And it should be. The lyrics are rapey and misogynistic. While the intellectual, girl power promoting me wants to get in the line condemning this song, the me who loves a thumping baseline and good line dance is dancing my ass off and singing along. What am I to do?

I COULD only listen to the instrumental and boogie with that baseline but I want to hear Thicke’s smooth falsetto try to talk me into doing something I don’t want to. I’m conflicted! I’ve not been this conflicted about a song since …

I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I grew up along the I-95 South corridor that makes me love the bass line so much or if my ratchet lies dormant until a hot track accompanied by inappropriate lyrics comes out and shakes up the world. Well, my world at least.

Do you have ANY idea what it is like for me to do my best to empower girls and women then to resort to shaking it every time that damn beat drops?! *smh* I’m so ashamed! But I am SO entertained and until that song falls on the charts or I have learned at least three of the accompanying line dances, I will still be playing it on a loop. “Er’rybody get up!”

Father your children…

For the past couple of days the interwebs have been all abuzz with foolishness about Chris Brown’s fans and Too Short’s “fatherly advice” to young boys. Clearly, I missed something.

Millions of these children Tweeted about how they’d “let Chris Brown beat” them. They were of course referencing the incident of domestic violence between him and his then girlfriend, Rhianna. I know it was a while ago but we can never forget. I, of course, can’t blame Chris Brown for the foolishness that happened during his performance at the Grammys. I can, however, blame these lil’ girls, lil’ gays and their parents. While there are those of us who can not let it go, there is no way these girls, and gays, should be joking about letting him beat them.

As was stated here before, I have zero tolerance for domestic violence. While Brown has paid his debt to society by doing as mandated by the court, there are some folks who just won’t ever forgive his actions. I get that. I also get that to some of his fans, he can do no wrong and they still lust after him.

Kids will be kids but parents have to be parents. I’m sure some of these parents could not possibly have known what their daughters were saying. I insist that they need to find out, particularly fathers. I’ve discussed that fathers have a responsibility to their daughters, and yes, their gay sons, too, to show them how they should be treated while dating. They need to actually sit down and discuss with them what is and isn’t acceptable. The fact that these children even Tweeted the words, “Chris Brown can beat me up…” is both frightening and sickening.

As a father, you need to explain that it’s never OK to even joke about domestic violence. There are too many folks who have lost their lives for it. You need to explain no matter how fine he is or how well he sings or dances that it is NEVER OK for a boy, a guy, a man to put his hands on you in a violent manner. Ever. Grab your daughters and your gay sons, hug them and show them how a man is supposed to treat them.

If that’s not enough motivation to parent your own damn kids, Too Short has taken to offering up fatherly advice to young men about “how to turn young girls out.” O_o Yea, that Too Short.

Why is his old ass still relevant enough to grace the web pages of XXL in anything but a historical retrospect of Bay Area rappers? The last time Too Short was relevant was whenever “Shake Dat Monkey” came out and it had ratchet chicks from near and far shaking it up in the club.

Apparently in a video posted on XXL’s site, Too Short told young boys transitioning from middle to high school, in graphic detail, how to sexually stimulate their female counterparts – forcefully. Far be it from me to bait anyone on any issue but from what I read and heard about the video because I didn’t see it, it is akin to assault. The Grio quoted Too Short saying in the video, “You push her up against the wall, you take your finger and put a little spit on it and you stick your finger in her underwear and you rub it on there and watch what happens.”

First of all, any father of a daughter should be outraged and ready to string Too Short up and flog his ass for suggesting any boy do that to a girl. That statement suggests that he is an advocate of sexual aggression and that attention uninvited is in fact rape. How dare he suggest and describe that for young boys? His suggestion to the boys gives the impression that girls don’t deserve to decide whether or not they want this attention. It suggests that these boys seize their opportunity whenever they feel like it. I can’t, no, I won’t sit, stand or walk for this kind of bullshit.

This is why you monitor what your kids are watching online. Nothing good can come of minors watching anything Too Short-related. The man raps about hard life and pimping in Oakland. He has never discussed a single thing in his music that would imply that he respects any woman. I will say that he issued an apology via video on the XXL site. He covered himself by saying he was in “Too Short” mode and that these young boys should just be themselves and not get caught up in “hip hop personas.” O_o

Fathers, when it comes to your sons, it is your job to do exactly the opposite of that bullshit Too Short spewed in that video and in his music. It is up to you to explain to your sons that no is always no. Explain that women are to be respected and treated like human beings and not property there for their lustful fantasies. Tell them that rappers like Too Short are all persona and that the life they rap about and perpetuate is but a caricature. In other words, father them. Father all your children.

As a father, as a man, you are charged with being the leader of your family. You are the one who shows your family the way. If you are not cutting the path and leading the way, they will latch on to someone who will. The problem with that is they could latch on to someone who doesn’t know where the hell they’re going. Your family is your responsibility. When you fail to parent your children, you have failed them and us, too. Step up and do your job.

Know when to shut up …

Sir, there's a seat over there. You can have it.

Anybody got a fancy umbrella they can loan Roland S. Martin until this shit storm blows over? After pressure from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, CNN has suspended Martin indefinitely over a pair of Tweets on Super Bowl Sunday.

Like thousands of others, I follow Martin on Twitter and I saw the aforementioned Tweets when they went out. When I saw them, I said aloud, “This is gonna be a shit storm.” I’m sad to say that I was right. Immediately after the last Tweet was sent, Martin started engaging in a back and forth with people insisting that the message was poking fun at soccer and not gay men. He also argued that the urgency of violence was simply taken out of context and that it was all in jest. That this sort of thing happens during sporting events.

To some, Martin’s Tweets were seen as homophobic and advocating gay bashing. Instead of immediately recognizing how those Tweets can be misconstrued and apologizing, Martin got defensive. I would love to say I’m surprised, but, I’m not. I’ve followed Martin for quite a while. I’ve seen him “talk junk” to people during sporting events and pontificate on various subjects. I’ve also seen him mouth off and offend people in an effort to make his point. He did that in a comment on this very blog just last year. The difference between the exchange he and I had here and on Twitter and the exchange he had with GLAAD is, I don’t take him seriously.

While I’m sure Martin did not intend for anyone to read his Tweets and take offense to them and he does not advocate gay bashing, one’s perception is one’s reality. If I took Martin seriously, I’m sure that I, too, would have been offended. This is America and yes the first amendment does guarantee us all freedom of speech, I contend that this does not apply to Martin and I’ll tell you why.

One of the first things you learn in your first journalism class is that you forfeit your right to an opinion on hot button issues such as politics, religion and polarizing social issues in public settings. If you are a working journalist, part of your job is to appear neutral in all things so that there is no appearance of a bias or slant. Martin falls into a unique category of being a commentator who is hired and expected to give an opinion. He is also a trained journalist and self-identifies as such. That being said, he should know when to shut up.

Monday night, Martin posted an apology on his blog. He has since been invited to have a sit down with GLAAD brass and his bosses at CNN to find some resolution. Since the announcement of his suspension, people have taken to social networks to announce their outrage over his suspension saying it was uncalled for and he was just exercising his freedom of speech. I get that. What I don’t get is black folks playing the race card like it’s the Big Joker in a spades game saying this would not have happened to a white guy. I disagree and I think most journalists will.

I took an unofficial poll of my journalist friends and most of them agree that this is a case of him being careless. If there were any injustice at all, the National Association of Black Journalists would have been all over this thing. Instead, president Greg Lee released a statement calling this a teachable moment. I wholeheartedly agree.

With social media now a part of our daily lives and one of the most useful tools in a journalists arsenal, it is imperative that we use it in a professional manner. In my local chapter of NABJ chapter, my fellow journalists and I make it a point to remind student journalists to be mindful of how they conduct themselves on social media. Employers check you out on those things and if you are in front of the camera, like Martin, whatever you post or Tweet is indirectly associated with your specific organization. Use all the disclaimers you like, but Martin is “the loud, husky, black guy on CNN.” As long as he’s affiliated with CNN, that’s who he’ll be.

I hope that we can all look at this as a learning opportunity and embrace that just because we can say whatever we want doesn’t mean we should. Though being born American gives us the right to free speech, we have a responsibility to exercise it wisely. Free speech should be used to uplift people and liberate the oppressed. It should not, however, be used to degrade and hurt others. To whom much is given, much is required. It’s high time we all learn some restraint or learn to be accountable for what comes out of our mouths.

Daddy’s girls unite!!!

My wonderful blog visitors, I have a confession to make. I am a “Daddy’s Girl.” I make no apologies for it. I don’t care who judges me. If anyone tries to come between me and my daddy or cause him harm of any kind, God have mercy on your wretched soul.

Deiondra Sanders

In a world where a lot of families are in their second generation of absentee fathers, my daddy and others like him go unnoticed by the world. That leaves us, their children, with the responsibility of holding them up for the world to see and in some cases defending them. Earlier today, all of Twitter was abuzz with the Tweets from Deiondra Sanders.

As if you couldn’t tell by her name, Deiondra is the eldest daughter of NFL Hall of Famer Deion Sanders. Sanders is currently involved in divorce proceedings with his estranged wife, Pilar, whom we were introduced to in their reality show “Prime Time Love.” Since the -ish has already hit the fan and sites like TMZ and MediaTakeOut have been dragged into all this, it is sure to get ugly. To make things uglier, Deiondra took to Twitter to air her frustrations about what Pilar is saying via her attorney. Notice my lack of scolding here.

This girl took to Twitter to defend her daddy from the foolishness. While I don’t agree with her methods, I understand her motives. To understand the way a daddy’s girl feels about her daddy is to understand how you feel about your first love. A daddy’s girl’s father IS her first love. He’s the first guy to make her day and usually the first man to let her down. If she is fortunate enough to have a father who has made her day more than he’s disappointed her she will usually fight anyone to the death who tries to bring him harm.

If you look at Deiondra’s page, baby girl went ham. Honey-baked. Picnic. Spiral-sliced. Honey glazed. Just ham. All in an effort to clear her daddy’s name. I don’t claim to know what went on in their family, we may never know the truth. What I do know is how it feels to have some chick make an attempt to bad mouth their father to make herself look good. Since Pilar’s team seems to be taking it to the media, I’m sure Deiondra felt the need to clear it up – in the media.

I just want y’all to cut the girl some slack. One of my followers on Twitter made the comment, “Fathers raise your daughters.” To that I answer, “he did.” He was so good at it in fact, she got pissed and she got it off her chest. This was her way of defending her father. No more, no less. Deiondra may look at her timeline tomorrow and issue an apology. She might not. You can read in her Tweets that she is hurt over the fact this chick came for her daddy. I feel her. How ever this turns out, this episode has not helped anything. Pilar could very well insist that her children not have anything to do with Deiondra. Pilar could use this episode to make her children harbor some kind of animosity toward her. I’ve been in a situation where you have multiple children who don’t share the same two parents. It can be stressful.

So, I ask y’all, please, cut the girl some slack. And daddy’s girls, let’s make a pact to conduct ourselves better. Our daddies are grown men, *sigh* they can fight their own battles.

Superficial is superficial …

With much of the Twitternets still abuzz with the news of Kobe’s dumbassness of not having a prenup, I’ve decided to delve into this term the men in my timeline seem to utter in disgust when speaking about Vanessa Bryant. Gold digger. I’m sure you’ve heard it before. Hell, EPMD, Three Times Dope, N.W.A., Kanye West, Mint Condition and a whole lotta others have made songs about them. But nobody ever really broke it all down.

The Urban Dictionary defines a gold digger as “a girl that is only with a man because she wants his money; she’ll spend it on jewelery, clothes, spa treatments, etc. Once he goes broke she’ll go for another man that is rich or just plain financially stable.” -_- That reads like a wounded ass man wrote that. LoL!

While I certainly cracked up reading that definition, the thing that makes me laugh harder is the fellas who use flash and flare to attract these women and then call them gold diggers. For example, I’ve noticed that a lot of men like to throw in things like the kind of car they drive, their occupation and their love for all the finer things in life when trying to get a woman’s attention. I like to say that whatever a man is doing to get a woman’s attention is like setting out bait to catch prey. Well, if you keep setting out gold digger bait inside gold digger traps, what is it that you think you’re going to catch? A school teacher? Hell no. Your ass is the Steve Irwin of gold diggers and you see what happened to him.

As far as I’m concerned, gold diggers are misunderstood. They are simply dating their type. Nobody spits venom at men when they date an overly specific type. I know men who date women based on hair length, eye color, dress size, cup size, hips, thighs, legs, asses and they are just not as frowned upon as gold diggers. They’re simply viewed as “breast men” or “ass men” or “leg men.” Why can’t we use the same logic for the ladies?

Hell, some of us have our types, too. Some of us like lips or height or muscles and yes, even money. Why can’t we be viewed like men? Just dating our type? It just so happens that some of their type happens to be in a specific tax bracket. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the smartest way to be superficial. Looks will fade. At some point those large breasts will lose their fight with gravity, cellulite will take up residence on those asses and those legs will sprout varicose veins and start to resemble a road map. But if you mess around and find a dude who takes care of his money … That shit will replenish itself! Money don’t give a damn about gravity, cellulite or varicose veins! Hell, money ALWAYS looks good.

It seems like the men with these modest ass incomes are the ones getting the most pissed about these “gold diggers.” I’m having a hard time figuring out whether they are upset about the women taking a large portion of these over-paid men’s fortunes or if they are upset that they don’t have money long enough to have these women themselves. Either way, I need for some of y’all to swallow a spoon fulla honey, some Sweet n’ Low packets, some Splenda or some shit and stop being sa’damn bitter.

Y’all better take a cue from these smart, wealthy women and be intelligent about your superficiality. Be superficial about some shit that will appreciate with value. #SmartyOut

Marriage is a contract …

OMG, you guys, SO much has happened since last week. Other than the death of Lil’ Kim (Jong Il), the thing that sticks out most is Kobe Bryant’s wife Vanessa filing for divorce. On Friday evening, I checked Twitter like I normally do and saw that Mrs. Bryant filed for divorce citing “irreconcilable differences.” In Hollywood marriage speak, somebody cheated.

In happier times ...

The majority of us are sensible adults. We understand that sometimes marriages end. When you’ve had as rocky a past as these two have had, they are almost certain to end. Well apparently homegirl had simply had enough. Over the weekend, reports surfaced that Kobe had a Playboy model for a mistress and that he’d had several affairs in addition to that lil’ case of him being accused of sexually assaulting a woman in Denver in 2003 over the course of their 10 1/2 year marriage. Through all his cheating, humiliation, a $4 million purple diamond ring and two kids, Vanessa finally said, “No mas!”

Of course the men in my Twitter timeline have been outraged because news surfaced that Kobe and ‘Nessa don’t have a prenuptial agreement. Reports said he “loved her too much.” I understand that California is a community property state and now she is entitled to half of everything. EH-VER-REY-THING!!! Rumor has it that Kobe is worth a cool $150 million. If everyone’s assumptions are correct, she stands to take $75 million. Dayum!!!

Now that you’re caught up, I have to say I saw some of the most asinine Tweets from men I have ever seen on Twitter and that is saying a lot! I saw everything from “She married an athlete, she knew what she was getting into” to “She doesn’t deserve half of anything when she didn’t do half the work.” I mean, the guys in my timeline were saying that she “trapped him” with “all those babies a long time ago.” You would have thought these guys had lawyers combing through THEIR checking accounts with all the venom they spewed about this woman that they don’t know *smh*

The sooner y’all start looking at marriage as a legally, binding contract, the better off people will be. Let me preface this by saying I have never been married but I have seen a helluva lot of them dissipate. And I can read. While most folks enter marriages because they are in love and get divorced because they are not, folks fail to realize they have signed legal document on file in the register of deeds office. Anything that needs to be changed in that office requires a lot of hoop jumping and run around and legal advice. Where there is money involved, it get worse.

When two people get married, they stand in front of an official and pledge their undying love while promising to love, honor and cherish (or obey) and then sign a legal document indicating they are legally married. While none of these promises are written on this document, the two parties expect each other to hold up their end of these promises. If there is concern that this may not happen or if you just want to cover your ass, get a prenup that outlines all these promises and possible consequences if these promises are breached. Sure it seems clinical and loveless but I am sure it makes for an easier split.

Regardless of what the man does for a living, his wife should be able to trust him and expect that he will uphold their marital vows. If he was dumb enough to marry her sans a prenup, he should consider this an expensive ass lesson. Just like the men in my timeline insist that these baller wives know what they’re getting into, so do these athletes. They know what they do attracts a certain type of woman, they should protect themselves. A marriage license is a legally, binding contract but so is a prenup.

SN: I commend ‘Nessa for staying that long. There’s only so much a woman can take. I guess she found her limit.

Don’t be a Stan …

Stan was #batshit. Don't be Stan.

I’ve noticed over the last few years, a lot of folks have used “Stan” to identify themselves and other people who are fans of a particular celebrity. The term “Stan” was made popular by Eminem who wrote a song with that title about a young man who was a crazed fan who wrote several letters to his favorite rapper, Eminem, and grew more and more mad waiting for a letter back. When you listen to the words and actually get into Stan’s head space, dude’s bread was NOT done. I know Stan was a fictional character but he was off his fictional meds.

Why in all the world would anyone want to identify with Stan? How do you fall that far in love with a person you’ve never met just based on their ability to perform? As an adult? I mean, as a kid, you have your favorite performer and you plaster your wall with their posters and you listen to their music and whatnot but at what point do you grow up and put away these childish things?

Folks are quick to say they “Stan” for Beyonce. They “Stan” for Rihanna or Kanye or whomever. But when your back is against the wall, do you have what it takes to kill your significant other and yourself because you don’t hear back from these people? Are you willing to keep writing letters without an answer? Are you willing to change your hair, cut yourself and do all these “Stanley” things? If not, stop identifying yourself as such.

I’m not suggesting anyone off themselves, dye their hair or continue to communicate with people who clearly don’t have time to communicate with you. I’m just saying that if you intend to be a Stan, go whole hog! Quit your job, buy a pack of paper, some pens, envelopes and some Forever stamps and get to writing! That’s the only way I want to see anyone else identifying themselves as a Stan. You’re a damn adult! You’re a fan! Nothing these random ass people do should consume you that much! Getcho life together!