Steven Slater, American Hero

Please direct your attention to the flight attendant located in the front of the aircraft.

Imagine you’re a flight attendant. You see more people everyday than you even care to imagine. You have to smile and be friendly and cordial to people who are nasty to you when your world is falling apart.
One day, a passenger goes beyond being nasty and proceeds to curse you out and slap you in the face with an overhead flap.

What would you do?
A. Shrug it off and say, “gee, I hope her day gets better,” while cursing her out under your breath.

B. Slap that ho back with a closed fist and knock out her teeth.

C. Wait until the plane lands, get on the PA system, curse out the heffa who hit you, deploy the emergency chute, throw your bags down, grab two beers and slide down after them.

D. Nothing.

While you decide what you’d do, I’ll tell you that former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater did ALL of C. And that, ladies and gentlemen is why he is my hero. It’s also reason No. 742 why I love “the gays.”

Who amongst us hasn’t planned a grandiose exit from our job after a rough day? Shoot, when I was working in Tennessee, the exit I had in mind included individualized “Kiss My Ass” letters, letting the air out of the tires of my city editor and bobbin’ hard and rapping along to the lyrics of Kanye West’s “Spaceship” all the way to my car.

When it came time to leave, I punked out and only handed in my lil’ punk ass letter and walked outta my managing editor’s office like I was upset to be leaving. *smh*

Slater has raised the bar on putting in resignations. Eff the letter, go to your nearest PA system and verbalize your “eff yous” then jump on the air slide like you’re at Six Flags or the county fair or something.

From now own, I plan to quit everything in life in Steven Slater fashion. In fact, I’m having emergency chutes installed on the outside of every building I frequent. Work. My apartment. Church. You just never know when you need to escape. I’ve even decided I’m gonna yell, “Eff yooooooooou!” when I slide down. It sounds like Geronimooooooooo!”
Who’s in?

Now of course, I must tell you that police found him at his home and arrested him (while in bed with his boyfriend), on the charges of reckless endangerment and criminal mischief. Word has it that he faces up to seven years in prison. If he gets that much time, that will be the stupidest waste of taxpayer money in the history of the legal system.

*throws up fist* FIGHT THE POWER!!!

7 responses to “Steven Slater, American Hero

  1. Once, I quit a job by taking two vacation days and then just never coming back.

    THUG LIFE!!!

  2. When I heard about this on the news I couldn’t stop cracking up!
    I love how he cursed everyone out then grabbed some beer and slid his ass down the chute! CLASSIC! Too bad his ass got arrested! He’s my hero!

  3. Lucious Crotchman

    one thing that NEEDS to be mentioned, above all else:
    Stevie Slate was the head of the airline steward uniform design committee

  4. Wait, you’re getting an air slide put on your church? You ain’t right (I said that in my best Smarty voice by the way)

  5. *Raises my fist Olympic winner style* I’m with you!

  6. @Jaded, That’s gangsta! LoL!

    @Shelly, I know, right?! Girl, the local news did the story here and this way too proper black anchor tried to read the transcript saying “Blankety blank …” That made it all worth it.

    @Frugalista, Stevie is the bomb! I’m thinking of making some “Determination” posters #nshit with his MySpace pictures. Except his will be “When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong …”

    @Mr. Crotchman, yes, he was the chair of that committee. Who will they have now who can make that uniform pop with accents #nshit

    @Bangs, every building I spend more than one hour a week in. I wonder if they make portable emergency chutes.

    @Lady K, yea! We should make some signs or something.

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