Monthly Archives: August 2010

#teamIndividuality

Posted on August 31, 2010 | 4 Comments

Dare to be you!

Ahh, Twitter in all its fun and anonymity has managed to produce some of the funniest, dumbest, most idiotic #hashtags known to man. More often than not, most #hashtags are made up fodder that sometimes catches on enough to become a trending topic. It just seems like the most annoying ones are the ones that trend.

The ones chapping my ass as of late are all these #teamTweets. For example, #teamBlackberry, #teamiPhone, #teamGemini … If you ask me, all these people belong to #teamdumbass. Pardon me if you’re feeling a bit offended, but why in the name of all that is holy would you want to align yourself with a team of millions of (crazy) people you don’t know?

Has this incessant need to be accepted forced its way into the cyberworld now that we, the geekiest of geeks, feel the need to join a team as to not be social outcasts online? This, my friends, is beyond ridiculous. So ridiculous in fact that I’ve decided to create #teamIaintOnaDamnTeam and I’m the motherbleepin’ captain! I’m not letting anyone on it. I am a team of one! (Just like the Army.)

Miss me with all these #team Tweets and how it’s the best. I’m an individual. I like being me. I’m unique (just like everyone else). And besides, it’s easier than having to buy and/or watch and/or read up on whatever is the newest and best. I like my -ish the way it is. Humph! #teamIndividuality

→ 4 Comments

Posted in #hellbound, #pleasedontkillme, foolishness, insanity, Random, random thoughts, rants

Betty Wright was wrong …

Posted on August 30, 2010 | 7 Comments

"... having a piece of man is better than having no man at all ..."

Last week, I was sitting in my favorite book store partaking of their free WiFi and air conditioning, listening to my iPod, when it shuffled to every Betty Wright song in my iPod. For those of you living under the rock of horrible music, allow me to introduce you to the vocal powerhouse that is one, Betty Wright.

Some of you young people may know her as the vocal coach Diddy brought in for Danity Kane on “Making the Band.” I know her as the chick who sang all those songs my mama forced my siblings and I to listen to while we cleaned the house on Saturday mornings. When we heard Betty Wright (and The Manhattans and The O’Jays) we knew it was time to get off (our asses) and on (our feet).

It’s pretty safe to say that the vocal patterns of singers like Mary J. Blige, Beyonce, Fantasia and any of these other “cutting edge” singer chicks you like, more than likely stole their grit and growl from Betty Wright. Don’t believe me? Hip Hop artists and producers have been sampling her music forever. For example, y’know that “Real Love” remix by Mary J. Blige? Where do you think they got that guitar riff? A Betty Wright song. I could go on, I’m not going to though.

Anyway, while I was in Barnes & Noble, my iPod shuffled to the Betty Wright songs. First up was “Tonight Is the Night,” y’know the song about her first time doing, y’know, “it” with her boyfriend. Then of course there was “Clean-up Woman” about making it easy for a chick to come in and clean up behind you after you’ve totally messed over your man – neglected him, treated him badly. She cleans up YOUR mess. SN: That performance of “Clean-up Woman” is soul music personified.

Then came “Babysitter” where she talked about a friend losing her man to the 16-year-old babysitter. Then came “No Pain, No Gain” about how folks should stick it out in their relationships when times get tough. I can respect that. But this is where things started to kinda go South for me in this music. I’m a wordsmith. I LOVE words, so naturally, when I listen to music, I pay attention to the words. The one line in this song that stuck out for me is ” … a little bit of pleasure’s worth a whole lotta pain …” *raised eyebrow*

After that one came that song’s prequel, “After the Pain.” It was in the song that I heard the words, “Time has taught me that having a piece of man is better than having no man at all. So I’mma take what I got and work wit’ it, ya understand?

No, Ms. Wright, I can’t say that I do understand. Granted, this song came out in 1988 and I was all of six years old then. But, now that I’m older and I understand what the song is about, I can not agree with that. In fact, I emphatically disagree with it. The whole song, she talks about how he hasn’t changed and he still treats her the same way, “after the pain” but “I still love you like I do.” *confused face*

We all have that ONE guy who treats us like crap and we allow him to do it until we get strong enough to leave and realize that you love yourself more than you love him, therefore you won’t allow him to continue hurting you that way. Honestly, I was re-considering making a call that could have been detrimental to my mental capacities (and his health), but that song made me re-re-consider.

Having no man is better than having a piece of man and a little pleasure is worth a little pain. I deserve more than a piece and I can do bad all by myself. #NoTylerPerry So, in a nutshell, Ms. Wright was wrong. I wonder if she still feels the same way.

→ 7 Comments

Posted in #hellbound, #pleasedontkillme, foolishness, hmmm, insanity, music, Random, random thoughts, rants

#womanlaw & girls NEED their daddies …

Posted on August 26, 2010 | 7 Comments

Don’t forget to stop by Bangs and a Bun for today’s installment of #womanlaw. Read. Take heed. Share.

Tuesday night, I watched Fantasia’s “Behind the Music” on VH1. Because I’ve read so much about her and even seen her Lifetime movie a couple of times, I’d heard a lot of this story before. I was tuning in to hear from the other people they interviewed for the doc.

They spoke to her manager, then to Clive Davis and members of her family. Judging by the title of this post, y’all know exactly where I’m going here. What in the pinstriped, gospel quartet-singing suit wearing Hell is wrong with Fanny’s father? I mean, this dude rubbed me the wrong way and tap danced on my last GOOD nerve for his whole interview.

First off, let’s have a quick review of Tasia. She’s been in several relationships that were flat-out not good for her. She’s been abused and used and probably everything in between. She’s been raped, been promiscuous, suffered from low self-esteem and ostracized by members of her own family for her success.

Now, let’s talk about why I blame Joe. First let me say that now that Fanny is an adult, she needs to put away the pain and anger and whatever else she feels for her father. She’s an adult and she’s gotta make a way for her own daughter.

I blame Joe because all of these behaviors are most often traced back to absentee fathers or those who did a piss poor job of parenting. I am not a psychologist of any sort. I don’t hold any degrees in that area but I do watch people and observe their behavior. Tell me what you want, you know girls like this. They’re your friends, your cousins, maybe even your sisters. And some of you fellas probably have sexed them and cast ‘em aside for being “crazy” or “needy” or “ghetto.”

This thing went completely crazy for me while they were discussing Fantasia’s rape. Tasia said that she was dressing in a way that she had no business and conducting herself in a way that she shouldn’t. She owned up to that. Her father then said that he told her “this happened to you” basically because of the way she dressed. He said it was “sending a message.” For that comment, he gets “Smarty’s face of dumbassery.”

Now that's just stupiT.

I could attempt to put this in paragraph form, but I will just show you how I reacted on Twitter last night.

  • *steps on soapbox* I don’t care if she was walking around nekkid, NOBODY should be putting hands on her. NOBODY!

  • You’re talking about wearing stuff sends messages. It sure did, that message said, “my daddy doesn’t love me enough so I want you to do it.”

  • Every woman I know has had or currently has self-esteem issues, myself included. MY DADDY was the one stepping up to tell me not to listen.

  • To tell me I was pretty. To tell me that I shouldn’t let other people dictate my worth and that HE LOVES ME. I didn’t have to go out …

  • Looking for it through promiscuity. Fathers, step up, let your daughters know you love them and that they are beautiful.

I still stand by the statements I made on Tuesday night. The kind of behavior Tasia has been exhibiting is the behavior of a girl who is hurting because she wasn’t validated at home. When she went home crying because somebody called her ugly, made fun of her lips, her skin tone, her nose, her whatever, it was then that HER FATHER should have stepped up to say, “You’re beautiful. People want to tear you down because they’re afraid of what you can be. I love you and I always will.”

I don’t know what went on in that house and those schools that she was allowed to fall that far behind, get through without knowing how to read and that somebody (see also: her daddy) didn’t snatch a knot in her ass. Right now, we are seeing self-destructive behavior that is being fueled and funded by the Hollywood machine for our entertainment and amusement.

Y’all, if that wasn’t enough, this stripe-wearing ninja told VH1 cameras that if he would have been working with Fantasia, she’d be an icon now. I’m OK, now, but that night, I utter a word that I hate in reference to him. The phrase sounded a little like, “Ninja, please.” From his appearance on Tasia’s VH1 show and this Behind the Music, it seems like Papa Joe Barrino had a smidge of Papa Joe Jackson in ‘em. I’m done with him and everything he stands for.

Fathers, be there for your daughters. Tell them you love them, but more importantly, show them. Maybe I expect too much. I mean, everybody can’t be like my daddy. Yea, I’m braggin’!

→ 7 Comments

Posted in celebrity foolishness, foolishness, insanity, Random, random thoughts, rants

Run Bangs, Run!

Posted on August 24, 2010 | 6 Comments


So, if you’re so unfortunate as to not follow my girl Bangs or frequent her blog, Bangs and a Bun I have to let you in on the not-so-well-kept secret that she will be running in her first half marathon in October. She’s been putting her own playlists together and soliciting song suggestions. Now of course, I, in all my Southern glory, suggested she add Pastor Troy’s We Ready. I even e-mailed it. *giggles*

Yes, it may be a little harsh, but it will provide her with the needed boost somewhere about the middle of the race that she needs to keep running. So that version of “We Ready” wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb on her playlist, I added Archie Eversole’s version and a few other of my favorite “get up and move” songs from some Down South artists. I hope she’ll take this and consider this Smarty’s gift to her inner black woman from the South, Beulah.

You’re welcome. Just remember, “keep running!”

Disclaimer: In case you’re wondering, yes, this music is all from my own personal collection. And yes, I am aware that a lot of this music does nothing for the betterment of women or anyone else. This ratchnetness is brought to Bangs, and you, to add an extra boost of motivation and pumped-upness to your exercise regimen. Go forth and add some Crunk to your workout!

→ 6 Comments

Posted in #hellbound, celebrity foolishness, foolishness, hip hop, Lil' Wayne, music

Would you rather …

Posted on August 23, 2010 | 26 Comments

The choice is yours ...

Yesterday, on the last day of what has been my most unproductive weekend this year, I had an hour-long conversation with my brother during which he posed a question that I can’t shake. “What’s more important to you, having a husband or kid(s)?” I couldn’t give him a straight answer. Who could?

First to give you some background about the kid. My parents were never married to each other. They got together when my sister, who is 2.5 years older than I am, was a baby (obviously). They split when I was 3. When I was 6, my stepfather came along. It was when I was 12 that they got married. My father still isn’t married and has no plans to do so, to my knowledge.

As a child born (and raised) out-of-wedlock, there are several problems and situations that come up that wouldn’t in the event that your parents are married. There was some clashing of male egos between my father and stepfather and unnecessary arguments between my parents that I saw first hand. And this is with a “normal” kid. Imagine if there was some illness, delay or disability.

Given those circumstances, you may wonder where I get off being so “uppity.” Well, I don’t want that for my child(ren). It’s not fair to them or to me and whoever their father may be. Why knowingly create a jacked up situation unnecessarily? Don’t get me wrong, if you’re in a relationship with someone and you end up pregnant or you have an arrangement with someone and you get pregnant, that’s one thing. What I’m talking about is going out to knowingly get knocked up from a dude who is or isn’t on board with this situation.

Because I know first hand what it’s like to be born and raised outside of wedlock, I can’t see going out to do that on purpose. I want the whole package. I want the husband and the kid(s). I had never come face to face with making the choice until that conversation with my brother. I never thought I’d have to make a choice.

I know, statistically, because of my education and “success,” I may never get married. And if I am waiting on my husband to have children, I may never have children. Talk about a cold dose of reality on a Sunday afternoon. Yes, I am young. Yes, I have time. But you know what, I’m not getting any younger and time waits for no man (or woman). I’d LOVE to at least start having kids by 35, but if it doesn’t happen for me, it just won’t. There are tons of kids in need of a loving home who have already been born.

There’s no doubt in my mind that I can do it alone. I’ve seen it done by one my whole life by the strong women in my family and within my sister circle. Plus, I have a very strong, core group of family and friends who will close ranks and become the village I need to raise my child(ren). But to quote Chris Rock, “You can drive a car wit’cha feet! That don’t mean it’s to be done!”

So, to answer my brother’s question, I’d choose the kids. But, I’d choose adoption – probably a 3 or 4-year-old. Kids who are adopted already know coming in what the situation is going to be. To my single brethren and sisteren, which do you choose? A spouse or a kid?

P.S. To all of you folks *cough* F$%k It List *cough* who already have kids and the husband, don’t tell me it’ll come when I’m ready. Yea, I heard that before. I’m not buying it. I just ain’t.

→ 26 Comments

Posted in hmmm, quarterlife crisis, Random, random thoughts, rants, relationships