… ya douche bag!
Monthly Archives: December 2009
Hi, I’m Smarty …
… and I’m socially awkward. While this is probably no surprise to any of you, I still felt the need to say it.
Unless I’m working, I tend to shrink in social situations where I don’t know people. What can I say, I’m introverted.
I think I always have been. I don’t really ever remember going into a social situation and “working” the room, as it were. If I’m working, networking or what have you, I’m on. I can work it. I’ll show up with a pocket full of my own business cards and leave with a pocket full of other people’s. I don’t understand it.
Put me in a social situation where I’m there to meet people for purposes other than work, I am a social retard. My palms get sweaty, my throat gets dry and I can only manage a weak, “Hi,” and a grin that says, “IDK WTH I’m doing here.”
So, to not deal with that, or me, I spend a lot of time alone – at home. Now, I know this is the opposite of what I should be doing, but if I went out all the time, you people wouldn’t be getting these awesome gems of wisdom and droppings from my (over)active imagination. So, which would you rather have? 
So, given the pending new year, all full of its promise and newness, I resolve to be more social – in public, not just online. Because we all know, online, I’m a freaking rock star! (In my own head.)
So, who’s with me? You people gonna be more social too or am I the only social retard in this bunch? o_O
#wecantdate
A lot of folks say a lot of things about Twitter, but there’s one thing you never hear and that’s how Twitter taps into everything that’s funny and true about you all at the same time. For example, in the Twitterverse, we have Trending Topics or what are known as #tt’s. Things become #tt based on specific Hashtags or in Twitter speak, #hashtags.
If you’ve yet to pick this up, you can simply place a # in front of any word or series of words without spaces and if you get enough people to participate, it can become a #hashtag. Got that? If not, come back later, hit me on Twitter, I’ll give you a tutorial, I’m trying to teach the rest of the class who can keep up.
Now, with all that said, #tt as of late have been things like #factsaboutme, #secretturnons and my favorite, #wecantdate. Not only have I found out that every single person in my timeline should moonlight as a comedian, I’ve found out some interesting things about them and myself in the process. Here are a few of my favorite #wecantdate Tweets.
Me:
#wecantdate if you don’t respect your mama. If you don’t respect the woman who gave you life, how can you respect me?
#wecantdate if you have bad breath. Who wants to be with a dude whose whisper stanks?
#wecantdate if you can’t read. You need to at least have a Good Enough Diploma to get with me.
@frugalista How about #wecantdate if you have a rap sheet. Let’s say that!
Ones I’ve ReTweeted:
#mymanshouldhaveaGED RT @deltalady: If you can’t tell the difference between WON’T and WANT #wecantdate #languagefail
Or your nuts in your pockets! RT @empressjournee: #wecantdate if your pants tighter than mine!!! I don’t want to see ur thigh print!!
Ones I love:
#wecantdate If you are 35+ dressing like Chris Brown. 35+ BUTTON UP! #getyourthreadcountup
#wecantdate if you have a rap sheet at the courthouse that fills up more than two computer screens
( both Tweets courtesy of @frugalista)
I couldn’t post all the ones I love because I forgot to favorite them and I refuse to dig through days upon days of Tweets just to find those. You’ll just have to trust me when I tell you they’re funny, OK?
Posted in foolishness, random thoughts, rants, Twitter
Friends …
“… how many of us have them …”
I had an interesting conversation last night. I was talking to a friend/cousin who happens to be a single mom and she was telling me how she values her time alone because every minute she’s not working or in church, she’s spending it with her daughter.
I had the very conversation with another friend who also happens to be a single mom and I told them both the same thing, “cherish the time you have with your kids. There are still a few of us single folks who don’t have a man or a kid to occupy our time and we spend it alone – all the time.”
She then told me that I’m alone by choice. That I could go out with friends or invite some company of the male persuasion over to not be alone.
Well, I’ll say to her and you guys, all my friends are scattered about the states of North Carolina, Georgia, Virginia, Tennessee and a few other states that aren’t coming to me now (shouts out to New Yawwwwwk!) and if there aren’t any dudes I’m digging on within the vicinity, what am I to do?
How do adults make friends nowadays? There is no sandbox. There isn’t any helping you carry your books to class or meeting you at your locker. How exactly do you meet friends as an adult?
For the most part, the friends I’ve made since graduating college have all been co-workers of some sort. We met at work and decided to hang out, y’know, dinner or have a drink and became friends later.
Since I’ve moved back to NC, I can honestly say, I don’t think I’ve made any new friends outside the blogosphere or my place of employment. I think I’m OK with that.
For me, friendship is so deep because my friends become my family. I can honestly say that my friends love me, warts and all and they aren’t afraid to give me a reality check when I need it. They’re there for me when I need them most. I appreciate it.
I just don’t think I need to make many more friends at my age. I’m still young, but I’m too old to be telling every person I meet all my damn business in an effort to make friends. I have trust issues. I don’t need to be opening myself up to people I don’t know. That’s dangerous.
Then again, when are your friends are getting married off and knocked up and you look around and it’s just you, you kinda need to know how to get into the swing of things.
So to you hip, out going folks, how do you, as an adult, make new friends?
Posted in Uncategorized
Southern Fried Vocab No. 3
Greetings, salutations and Merry Christmas, all! Welcome back for the third installment of Southern Fried Vocab. In case you missed last week’s word, click the link and have a look at the rules.
Because I know you people are full, pressed for time or just plain lazy, it goes a lil’ something like this: you will be given a vocabulary word or phrase, a definition and a sentence. You are hereby challenged to go forth and use it in conversation.
Though you may not see a logical place to insert these words into conversation, everything is always better when you cover it in flour and drop it in some hot grease!
The word of the week is wretch.
"Wretch out and touch somebody's hand ..."
Definition
Wretch: 1. to succeed in touching or seizing with an outstretched hand, a pole, etc 2. to stretch or hold out; extend 3. to stretch or extend so as to touch or meet
Example
Grandma: Margie, uh, Kitty, I mean Tiffany! *pointing at me* You, chile! C’mere and wretch der on that shelf and hand me that big silver mixing bowl!
Quick Review
While you may be used to hearing wretch as a noun, in the South, it is a verb unless you are singing “Amazing Grace.”
Questions?
Posted in foolishness, random thoughts, rants
